"My shit is a mess"

Today is Friday and Fridays are suppose to be awesome. I am already home for the night in my pajamas. The highlights of my night are that A) my dad is making my favorite pasta for supper and B) I bought What Happens in Vegas at Activewares for $5 and plan to watch it later on. (Wild, right?)

I have never felt so lost in my entire life. I ruined this quarter at school because I hated the classes I was taking for my then major, Office Management. I dropped 2 of them and am still in 2 other classes. I don't know what I want to do with my life and its really bothering me. I know I'm still young, but I don't want to waste time or money. I've already wasted money from my college fund because of it. I wish I knew what I was meant to do. Then I could just spend the next 2 years working really hard at getting the degree, get a job, and move on with my life.

When people hear that I don't know what I'm majoring in, I have to say "I don't know, but I'll let you know when I know." Then they ask "Well what are your interests?" As if I myself haven't been thinking everyday what I could possibly see myself doing for the rest of my life. (I know they are just trying to help..) I know what kind of person I want to be, but I do not know what I want to do and I don't know how to know. I've taken interest tests before. My results were something like education, transportation, and public services. I love to be organized and have a lot of patience, but I have no desire to go to school for 4 years, especially to be underpaid. (Good teachers deserve way more than what they get) As for transportation...YEAH I WANT TO BE A TAXI DRIVER! No disrespect to anyone in transportation, but its not for me. As for public services- my first major at NCSC was Criminal Justice. I don't want to be a police woman or anything. (I'm a big chicken and could see myself using pepper spray out of fear when it was truly unecessary) I was thinking more along the lines of a Juvenile Probation Officer because I wanted to have the authority to get kids to school and help them get back on the right track. I also thought I could use it as an opportunity to kind of be a counselor in a sense. The only problem is, I couldn't see myself going house to house experiencing the bad situations kids are in. It's sad and could be scary at times. I'm so blessed to have my family.

What I do know is that I want to be the best person I can be. I want to be a great wife and mother. They say "high school/college years are the best years of your life...you can never get them back." I'm sorry, but if those are supposed to be the best...I just don't believe they are. I believe the happiest days of my life will be when I am married with my own family. To me, that's what the most important part of life is; family.

On top of not having a career path, I don't work a whole lot. I work for my parents at the assisted living they started in town. My name tag says Secretary, but really we all answer the phone when it rings. What I basically do is run errands to the pharmacy, bank, post office, Wal-Mart, and any other place that someone may need something. I'm not actually in the building a whole lot. I'm very glad that I can help out there whenever they need me and I do love it, but in the summer I'll definately be getting a second job as well. I'm also proud of my parents and all their hard work to have accomplished their dreams of creating/owning their own assisted living.

Then there is the fact that I don't really hang out with anyone except for Brad and my family. Don't get me wrong because I LOVE hanging out with my Bradly and family, but when he's at work- like right now- I do nothing. I talk to a handful of people on a regular basis, but I don't hang out with them and that's okay. I'm actually a bore anyway haha. The main problem is that I've always had guy friends. I think I get along with guys better since I grew up with 4 brothers. I've always wished that I had an older sister, but Marissa and Katherine have always kind of been like my older sisters so that's neat. Plus I have a good relationship with my mom. The point is that I can't be hanging out with guy friends when I have a boyfriend because I wouldn't want Brad to go hang out with girls. See what I mean? I don't really have any guy friends anymore anyway though so there was really no point to this entire paragraph.

I don't really know how to wrap this up. I'll just leave you with a quote from one of my favorite movies, Definitely Maybe, just because I love it!

April: Why couldn't you have told me this when you had your shit together?
Will: My shit is together
April: Your shit is NOT together, your shit is a mess...
Will: My shit is a mess...seems funny coming from you April. I mean you could do anything, anything in the world and you work at a bookstore. At least I can say I tried, I put myself out there and I really tried. As a friend, maybe you should get some help, some life rehab. I don't know if they do that, but if they do you would be a prime candidate.
April: I should go to life rehab?! (Slaps him) Get off my front porch.

Okay, byyyye.